Bottles of Sake and Paco the Wonder Stick
by KarlaH
Summary: COMPLETE One day the gang goes to train...but finds Kakashi drunk from sake. What'll happen to a fic that has no main plot? Will Paco the Wonder Stick EVER find a soul mate!I wouldnt know... I'm just a writer...
1. Of Paco and Naruto

Disclaimer: Sorry...I don't own it...  
  
MUWHAHAHAHA! My second story! Ahem, this is supposed to be funny. Attempt at humor if you do not mind... Linkin park and my band, Anarchy, RULEZ!  
  
=

Sakura and Naruto stood in the kitchen of the apartment their team and sensei shared. Well...Naruto stood, Sakura sat next to the stove.  
  
"WHERE IS SASUKE?" Naruto said, screaming his head off.  
  
"I DON'T KNOW! STOP ASKING!" Sakura screamed in Naruto's ear.  
  
"OW! MY LITTLE EAR! OWIE!"  
  
"STOP ACTING LIKE A BABY NARUTO!"  
  
"I CANT HELP THE FACT THAT MY INNER CHILD IS 3 YEARS OLD!"  
  
"DEAL WITH IT!"  
  
"FINE...Sakura?"  
  
"What Naruto?"  
  
"My Inner Child is really 13"  
  
"No its not..."  
  
"I HATE YOU!" Naruto ran/skipped to his...hole/room under the stairs. Naruto sat down in his cubby/room and pretended to be occupied as he watched a box. Sasuke ran down the stairs, stopped on the third one, and jumped up and down on the stairs.  
  
"WAKE UP NARUTO! WE'RE GOING TO GO TRAIN WITH KAKASHI-SENSEI!"  
  
"I DON'T WANNA!" Naruto said in protest.  
  
"HEY NARUTO?"  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"WHY IS EVERYONE SCREAMING?"

=

Author: Sorry...I left the caps lock on...

Naruto: No you did not...

Author: I HATE YOU!

::Runs into Naruto's room/cubby::

Sasuke: --;

=  
  
"Naruto...that was awkward..."  
  
"No shit...HEY! WE ARE NOT SCREAMING! WOOHOO!"  
  
"Yeah...BUT YOU ARE!"  
  
"Sorry..."  
  
=

After that...little...umm...emotional moment with the caps lock... Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke went off to the bridge!

=  
  
"Sorry I waz L- cough late... hiccup I ran out of ketchup for my contact lenses and eggs for my defecting solution..."  
  
Kakashi said as he swayed left to right with a bottle of sake in his hand.  
  
His students looked at him in confusion. Kakashi saw the look on their faces and screamed.  
  
"I SWEAR TO DRUNK IM NOT GOD! WOOO!"  
  
Kakashi suddenly fell back and dozed off, snoring as he released his grip on his beloved sake.

Naruto and the gang walked up to him in daze.

Naruto poked his sensei with a stick he just found randomly laying next to his foot.  
  
Kakashi spazed like a wild anamail for a few seconds then stopped.  
  
"Hey look what I found randomly laying next to my foot! I'll name you Paco!"

Naruto said happily as he held up Paco, The Wonder Stick  
  
Sakura ignored Naruto and looked at Sasuke as sounds of Naruto saying, "I love you Paco!" could be heard.  
  
"Well...its obvious Kakashi's drunk..."

Sakura said while she anime sweat dropped. Naruto bent down, picked up Kakashi's sake, and was about to drink the full bottle when Sasuke snatched it from him.  
  
"NOOOO!"

Naruto said in protest. Naruto jumped on Sasuke to claim back his prize, Naruto started to bite Sasuke's arm.  
  
"AHHHH! SAKURA! NARUTO IS BITING MEEEEEE!"  
  
"Naruto! Stop biting Sasuke!"

Sakura said as she squirted Naruto with a water bottle.

"Bad Naruto! Bad!"

Naruto jumped off Sasuke as he reclaimed his prize sake.  
  
"Where'd that water bottle come from?!"

Naruto said pointing at his new rival,

'The Water Bottle of Doom' using 'Paco, The Wonder Stick.'  
  
"The author gave it to me!" Sakura said in a matter of factlty pointing towards your computer screen.  
  
"Who?" Naruto cocked his head to the side.  
  
"I don't know..." Sasuke said as he looked at the water bottle as if it were Itachi.  
  
"DIEEEE!" Naruto grabbed the water bottle and stabbed it 19 times with Paco, The Wonder Stick.  
  
Everyone watched as Naruto laughed evilly as water squirted out of all the holes from The Water Bottle of Doom...

Everyone turned to Kakashi and noticed he was...missing...  
  
"Where's Kakashi?"

Naruto said as he drank some sake.

"How should I know?"

Sasuke said as he stomped on The Water Bottle of Doom, pretending it was Itachi.  
  
"Maybe he ran away...I mean...he WAS drunk and all..." Sakura said, looking down the path that leads back to the village.  
  
Naruto threw the bottle of Sake onto the floor and pointed Paco The Wonder Stick at Sakura.  
  
"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP BITCH! DO NOT TALK BACK TO ME! GO GET ME A FWAKING BEER!"  
  
Then he fell to the floor and hugged Paco, The Wonder Stick.  
  
"Umm....I think Naruto's drunk..."

Sasuke said as he picked up a piece of glass that used to be Sake. He read the label and it said:  
  
"WARNING: THIS IS A TEST BOTTLE. CONTENTS IN THIS BOTTLE HAVE NOT BEEN RELEASHED TO THE PUBLIC YET. FOR HOME USE ONLY.

:-) HAVE A NICE DAY :-)

I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP BITCH! GET ME A FAWKING BEER!"  
  
Sasuke slowly put the bottle down and walked away very, very slowly.  
  
"I think this bottle was a bad batch or something..."

Sasuke said as he squirted the broken Sake bottle with The Water Bottle of Doom with 19 Band- Aids of Doom.  
  
"Okay... so now what? Kakashi and Naruto are drunk from a bottle of Sake and this fan fiction sucks..."  
  
"What'd you say Sakura?"  
  
"Nothing"  
  
=

End of chapter one

=  
  
Okay...umm.... yes this story is going to have more chapters...and in every chapter I'm going to spoof a movie for at least...one paragraph? Maybe I will turn it into a Scary Movie kind of thing...I dun no. Paco The Wonder Stick is awesome...I actually named him after one of my mom's friends. No...Paco is not his real name...that is some nickname my mom gave him...

I will continue if you guys like it.  
  
Review?


	2. The Authors Journal

Disclaimer: Sorry...I still do not own Naruto...BUT ONE DAY I SHALL! MWHAHAHA! :: evil glares from lawyers :: Oops...I mean...Mashashi Kishimoto owns Naruto...hehheheheh...  
  
On with the story!  
  
=

The bridge...again...::yawn::

=

Sakura turned around and saw Naruto...missing...strange...

"Sasuke? Narutos gone too...what the fuck is going on?"  
  
"How should I know? I'm just a made up character that no one can imagine in real life without all of the ink and markers...and just ignore the fact that no one in real life can have hair like ...'us'... "  
  
"What'd you say Sasuke?"  
  
"Nothing..."  
  
"Hey! Look what I found randomly lying next to my foot! An author's journal? It says its by some person named, 'Fox Kit'...who the hells that? Maybe its Naruto...LETS READ IT!"  
  
Author: SHIT!  
  
Sakura: Who was that?  
  
Sasuke: I do not care...just read it...  
  
Author: FUCK FUCK SHIT FUCK!  
  
Sakura: It says... 'I wrote some gay story t'day...It's called 'Bottles of Sake and Paco The Wonder Stick'

and I waz surprised when the reviewers said it waz foony...its about sum messed up bottle of sake, Kakashi gets his grimy little hands on it and gets drunk, then Naruto gets drunk and it all comes up to this part now.'.... Sasuke? I think this sounds familiar..."  
  
Sasuke:

:: laughs as he squirts a chipmunk with The Water Bottle of Doom with 19 Band-Aids of Doom ::

MWHAHAHA! DIE ITACHI! What'd you say Sakura?

Sakura: Hmm.... WAIT! There is a map here!"

:: picks up a huge page that just magically fell out of the book...when it was lying flat in Sakura's hands...its MAGIC! ::

"It says there's a jungle near here...since when is there a jungle around Konoha? Wait...it says in big red letters. "NARUTO IS HURR WITH DRUNK SENSEI"....Hmm...I forgot all about them...LETS GO!"  
  
=

Sakura and Sasuke go to the Jungle that was next door to the bridge

=

"Its says to follow the monkeys...Sasuke? SASUKE! STOP PLAYING WITH,

'THE WATER BOTTLE OF DOOM WITH 19 BAND AIDS OF DOOM THAT NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU SQUIRT KEEPS REFILLING!'"  
  
"I HATE YOU!"  
  
"Okay... c'mon...we have to follow the monkeys."  
  
Sakura for no reason pumps her fist into the air, the same fist that has my beloved journal...I take this opportunity to STRIKE!

:: does Gai pose ::

Sakura looks up as she sees this thing (me) swing by and take the Authors Journal.  
  
"NOOOO! WE NEED THAT! BITCH!"  
  
Author: I can bleep that out you know...I'M THE AUTHOR OF THIS STORY!MWHAHAHA!! I CONTROL YOU! IM YOUR MASTER! YOUR RULER! YOU COWER TO MY EVERY WHIM! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! BOW DOWN TO MY POWA!

:: Strikes a Gai pose and sings/mumbles in a low tone, 'I got the power' ::  
  
Sasuke: --;

Sakura: O.o;

Can we have your journal back? Miss uhh...what the fuck is your name?  
  
Author: NEVER! Oh...and meh name is Karla...nice to meet you losers

::tries to keep sane but cant ::

...BUT MY FRIENDS CALL ME CROW!! MWHAHAHA!!

::make crow noises::

:: falls off tree ::  
  
Sasuke: NOWS OUR CHANCE!

:: jumps on author and puts a straight jacket on with a gag ::  
  
Sakura: Way to go Sasuke-kun! .!  
  
Sasuke: SHUT UP!  
  
Sakura: Okay.  
  
Author: MPHFFFMFFF!

:: tries to strike Gai pose but cant :: MPHFPFPHFPHPFHPFHPFMMMMFFFFFFFF!  
  
Sakura: What is she saying?  
  
Sasuke: I don't know.  
  
Suddenly...a monkey appears out of no where! YAY!  
  
Sakura: LOOK! A MONKEY! LETS FOLLOW IT!  
  
=

Sakura, Sasuke and I go to follow my servant...I mean MONKEY! I SAID MONKEY! Damn

=  
  
Author:

:: laughs evily :: MFFPFFFFMMFFFWFF! .  
  
Sasuke: Look Sakura! There is a whole flock of monkeys! Is that a throne? Wait...TWO thrones?  
  
Sakura: Don't forget the throne on the tippy tippy top with all of the pillows and shit.  
  
Sasuke: Who do they belong to?  
  
A thing swings over and grabs the Author and lands on the throne platform with a 3rd person.  
  
Sakura: Is that...? No fucking way...SHIT!  
  
Sasuke: Oh c'mon...you have to be shiting me!!  
  
Author:

::points Paco the wonder stick at Sasuke and Sakura :: NOW YOUR MINE! HAHAHA!  
  
=

I know its short...but I thought it was the most perfect cliff hanger...sorry...I forgot about the movie spoof for this chapter...but its was a resemblance to the jungle book or that messed up movie with the dude who's in the jungle and he has a country hat on. I'll update later t'day. Bye!  
  
Review?


	3. I Bid Thee Farewell! MWHAHAHA!

Disclaimer: Don't own it...  
  
We last left off our heroes fighting over my journal...whom I dubbed, Bob.

Simply name really,

what is Bob backwards?

Why..

.Bob of course

...simple name...that is all...SO...now you may find out whom my two friends are...you know...the ones that saved me?

Ring a bell?

Aw, you dudes are hopeless...  
  
=

The Author stood in the middle, between Naruto. Naruto

on her left and Kakashi on her right. The Author laughed evilly as she did Gai pose #342 while singing Poem from Taproot.

Naruto wore his normal black tank top, but he had cheetah shorts on with a wizard/beanie tiger hat on with a gold rim. In his hands, he held Paco, the Wonder Stick of Doom. Several carvings were embedded in Paco, brought to you by the jewelry section at Wal...uh...Well- Smart...no need to get sued now...

Kakashi...how ever...wore...uhh- well..

.nothing.  
  
Nothing except for the cheetah loincloth and lion legs around his neck...and his hitai-ate headband and mask...  
  
The Author...me...how ever wore normal clothes...a red Areopostale sweatshirt with black shorts that had silver and bronze chains on 'em. I did not have time to go to Jungle Gap and purchase loincloths and all of that other shit our four fathers once called clothes.  
  
Author: I SHALL NOW BE KNOWN AS THE AUTHORESS! MWHAHAHA! COME! KAKASHI AND SON OF KAKASHI! WE ATTACK!

:: Takes a swig of Sake ::

Sasuke: THE AUTHOR IS A GIRL?! HOLY SHIT!  
  
Sakura: Son of Kakashi? OMG! The author has the Sake!

That's why she's been acting all weird!

They are all drunk! And what the fuck are they wearing...I mean...the author

(Author cuts Sakura off and says her name is now the Authoress)

...Uh...I mean the Authoress' clothes look like shit! Naruto looks VERY 21st century though...not to mention hot...  
  
Sasuke: What did you say?  
  
Sakura: Nothing.  
  
Authoress: NOW! KAKASHI! BEFORE WE ATTACK, WE MUST GO THROUGH YOUR CUBS BABTISIM! MWHAHAHA!  
  
Kakashi: Yes m'am...  
  
:: Holds up Naruto but Naruto kicks Kakashi in the balls ::  
  
Naruto: I don't want to get fwaking baptized!  
  
Naruto runs around as this freaky bright light follows him around and around while this huge lion in the clouds is yelling at him to stay the fuck still.  
  
"NARU-SIMBA! STAY THE FUCK STILL AND GET FUCKING BABTIZED! THIS IS NO LONGER FUCKING CNN! ( Kung Pow Enter the Fist )"  
  
Mufasa said as leaves and herbs blew everywhere from 'The light'.  
  
Sasuke: OMG! ITS ITACHI! :: Points to Mufasa :: DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :: Throws Kunai at Mufasa and strikes him in the balls ::  
  
"ROAR!!!! OH MY FWAKING GOD!! GOD DAMNIT!! SIMBA!! GET ME A FWAKING BEER!" Mufasa said as the light faded quickly and the clouds went back to normal as Naruto jumped onto the platform.  
  
Authoress: Now that THAT'S done...ATTACK!  
  
:: points at Sakura and Sasuke :::  
  
:: Kakashi ,Naruto and I take a swig of Sake as we run down the hill to attack Sakura and Sasuke ::  
  
Sakura: SHIT! KAKASHI IS GOING TO ATTACK US! CRAP! SASUKE! WHAT DO WE DO?!  
  
Sasuke: I know! Since I'm the boy character in this fan fiction...I have to think of everything! Sakura! Catch!  
  
:: Throws a Water Bottle of Doom 2004X at Sakura ::  
  
Sakura: OKAY! TAKE THIS NARUTO!  
  
Sakura squirted Naruto in the eye. Naruto fell back as he screamed and clenched his eyeball  
  
Authoress: OH NO! CHIA HEAD, SON OF KAKASHI...! ARE YOU OKAY?  
  
Naruto: IM FINE! MY EYE STINGS THOUGH!  
  
Naruto said, as his eye grew puffy and red.  
  
Sakura: What is in this?  
  
Sasuke: Wasabi and Hot Sauce....  
  
Sakura: Oh...  
  
Sakura proceeded to squirt Naruto in his other eye as the other one started to swell up and spaz uncontrollably.  
  
Sasuke squirted at Kakashi's mask where his mouth should be. It went into Kakashi's mouth and he started to cough.  
  
Kakahshi: MASTER! WHAT KIND OF MAGIC IS THIS?!  
  
Authoress:

:: Stops running and faces Kakashi ::

How the fuck should I know? I'm just a writer...  
  
Sasuke: NOW!

:: Jumps on the Authoress as he put a straight jacket on her and then advances onto Kakashi, who is still gagging from the spiciness. ::  
  
Sakura jumped on Naruto...who was walking around and feeling stuff with his hands since his eyes were swelled up. Sakura put a straight jacket on him as well.  
  
=

An hour later after the ambulance magically appeared out of nowhere and the cops came with reporters and whatever...

=  
  
Sasuke walked around behind the Authoress' throne and noticed a broken bottle of Sake. He picked up a piece and looked at the label, the same warning from all of the other Sake bottles.

'Eh...what the heck...a souvenir...' Sasuke thought as he stashed the broken piece into his pocket.  
  
Sakura watched as the Authoress, Naruto and Kakashi were strapped down onto a stretcher and put into separate Ambulances to go to the hospital and get their stomachs pumped from all of the Sake they drank.  
  
=

8 months later

=  
  
I moved on...back to my computer and such.... Naruto went back to acting like a moron and Kakashi went on with reading his gay books.  
  
But there's something missing here...  
  
How did Kakashi get his hands on that Sake bottle?  
  
We will find out soon enough.  
  
=

The teams Apartment

=  
  
On top of their 40' inch T.V stood the piece of that wicked Sake Bottle from 8 months ago.

It was on a stand and it wore out its sharpness. The Warning Label was still on it...

oh yes

...but now it was peeling off. No one ever noticed this since they only kept the broken bottle there for kicks, a reminder to never drink messed up bottles of sake.

Behind the Sake was Framed certificates for

The Water Bottle of Doom2004X.

Its brother, The Water Bottle of Doom.

Its cousin, The Water Bottle of Doom with 19 Band-Aids of Doom.

Its 2nd cousin, The Water Bottle of Doom With 19 Band-Aids of Doom That No Matter How Many Times You Squirt Keeps Refilling.

And of course...

lets not forget their rivals...

Paco the Wonder Stick and its brother,

Paco The Wonder Stick of Doom.

The certificates certified that they were Heroes to the village and they were presented the keys to the Village.  
  
But one night...as the Warning Label of the bottle of Sake peeled off...words started to appear behind the label...they read:  
  
"ONICHIMARU-HU-HU-HU!

ONICHIMARU-HU-HU-HU!

ONICHIMARU-HU-HU-HU!"

=

End

=

There will be a sequal if you guys want me to write one.

Laterz...

:: does Gai pose #214 and sings Michael Jackson's, "Beat It" ::

Get it?

Review? 


	4. Note I was 2 lazy 2 update

Disclaimer: I OWN THIS NOTE! TAKE THAT YOU FWAKING LAW-YERZ! MWHAHAHA!  
  
Anywho...I WILL be making a sequel.. And Onichimaru is Orochimaru's long lost...when I say lost...I mean lost from reality...

Long...long lost brother.

Yeah.

I'm that stupid...

If I told you the REAL reason why I made him his twin brother...you'd laugh your ass off...nnn...

No Comment.

I am looking for a name for the sequel...if you guys want to help out...give me a few names and I'll announce the name on Wednesday along with the story itself...

WOOWOO?

Guess What?

I do stand-up comedy

I stand up.

And do comedy...

And get this...

AT THE SAME TIME!

OH YEAH!

I GOTZ SKILLZ!

Ummm...the reason why I'm making HUGE spaces between my make-believe paragraphs is cuz it makes the note seem bigger when its really, really small.

I'm bad.

Whose bad?

Sinbad....

J/K

That movie (the cartoon) SUCKED! I hated it...I wasted $3.99 ordering it on PPV.

God damn con-artists....

I got a band....

It's call Anarchy...

Pronounced ANN-ARE-KEY.

No Government!

That way I can steal stuff and eat for free at my local Planet Wings/Planet Taco

Oh Yeah...

I'm still doing the big spacing aren't I?

Oops?

Any who...

Come back on Wednesday for the new name of the sequel...

"Who took the pizza off my taco hat?!"  
--- Me in a dream that I had...I was drunk in the dream okay?

Sake is pronounced : SA-KEE

Review?  
  
Please?  
  
PWEAS?  
  
:: puppy dog eyes ::  
  
I'm hopeless...

PS::

I thought of a name for the sequel...it's a suggestion...its not official:

The Water Gun of Doom and the Onichimaru Dance Dance

Tell me what you think.

Scott: Like anyone read the whole fucking note...  
  
Me: Maybe they did...  
  
Scott: For those of you still reading...I'm gonna be in the sequel along with the Authors sister Chloe.  
  
Chloe: Shut up Scott...  
  
Scott: But...  
  
Chloe: Scott is my boy friend and I threatened the Authoress to put me in this story.  
  
Me: Oh yeah...you telling mom is really a threat...I put you in this story from the bottom of my Ramen-Noodle filled heart  
  
Chloe: So? If you do not shut up, I will tell mom you ruined the satellite signal.  
  
Me: B-but I didn't do that...it was the rain I swear...and the only way you can get on the roof is if you jump out of my bed room window...I didn't do it...I'm scared of heights...  
  
Scott: :: jumps over Chloe and Karla and grins anime style :: REVIEW!


End file.
